


i'd count the stars for you

by jnhao



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Blood, Fist Fights, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Injury, M/M, Mild Fluff, PLEASE READ THE TAGS BEFORE YOU READ, Violence, Wen Jun Hui | Jun & Xu Ming Hao | The8 Are Best Friends, the beginning of recovery, to be clear: junhao do not harm each other in this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 15:59:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13011204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jnhao/pseuds/jnhao
Summary: minghao regrets not going with junhui to that party. he doesn’t deserve the trust the elder is showing him now, but he’ll be there for him. he’ll be there for junhui through anything.





	i'd count the stars for you

**Author's Note:**

> the prompt was: _"Junhao? Like Jun irritates Minghao like all the time and Minghao pretends to hate it but then Jun shows up at Minghao's dorm crying and Minghao is like struck with how much he actually cares? Long if you could? <3"_
> 
> this spiraled out of control and if there’s anything else i need to warn for, please do not be afraid to let me know!!
> 
> please read the tags!! if any of them make you uncomfortable DO NOT READ THIS! you are not obligated to read this if you aren't sure about it. please, take care of yourself first <3
> 
> with that, here's something very near and dear to me. please love junhui a lot

It feels weird doing this.

This is _weird._

Minghao isn't one for affection. Hell, if Mingyu asked him to pat his head Minghao would throw a book at him instead. Affection and comforting others aren't really Minghao's forte.

(Honestly, affection and comforting others are beyond anything Minghao is capable of if he's being completely honest.)

So he has no idea why the hell he's comforting Junhui right now.

Junhui's shoulders shake with tiny, soundless sobs escaping his chest as he clings to Minghao. Minghao runs a hand down the elder's back, doing his best to not show how confused and how inadequate he feels dealing with all of _this._

Minghao has no idea why Junhui came to his dorm room in the middle of the night, no coat or jacket on and shirt ripped open, but he's sure he isn't going to like the reason one bit.

This is beyond weird.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"So."

Minghao doesn't bother looking up from his textbook, too busy with trying to plow through his physics homework to even care about what Junhui wants to tell him now.

But Junhui continues anyway, resting his head on Minghao's shoulder as he starts off on a spiel about his newest lover, or whatever this guy is to him. His voice is low and smooth like honey in Minghao's ear, droning on and on about his date with the guy, but Minghao doesn't care so he drowns it out. The library is quiet around them though, Junhui's voice barely carrying anywhere and if Minghao looked over his shoulder to the left then he's sure he'd see that cute guy in glasses who's always reading a book holed up in the corner of the otherwise silent library.

"...but you know what? Sungmin is really nice. I think he might last longer than the rest."

Minghao really hasn't been paying attention to anything the elder has been saying, so he's startled that he even caught the end of that sentence. Junhui sits up straight and turns in his seat to face Minghao, peering into the younger boy's eyes when Minghao finally spares him a glance. Minghao doesn't know what Junhui sees there but the elder is smiling now as if he's pleased or maybe just smug, and Minghao blinks at him.

"What do you mean?" Minghao braves to ask, because what the hell else is he supposed to say really?

Junhui blinks and it's then that Minghao realizes their faces are very close to one another. Minghao could count all of Junhui's eyelashes if he so desired to, but he doesn't so he's not very sure why he just thought that.

As if being able to read Minghao's mind, Junhui flutters his eyelashes and leans in dangerously close.

Minghao falls out of his chair trying to get away. Junhui giggles at him, face a bit pink and hands clamped tight over his mouth in a vain attempt to avoid being loud. It doesn't really work and even though Minghao's neck and ears feel unusually warm, he lifts himself off the library floor and slumps back into his seat sullenly.

Any chance he might've had with the cute bookworm in the corner has definitely been thrown out the window. Minghao glares at the elder until Junhui recollects himself and reserves to smile smugly over at Minghao. The younger boy groans inwardly and rolls his eyes, wishing that for once, just _once,_ he could have a quiet evening in the library without Junhui bugging him about something.

"You were saying?" Minghao asks, trying hard to get the ball rolling again. As annoying as the elder is, whatever gets him off Minghao's back is something to praise. "Something about this new guy lasting?"

Junhui _inflates._ It's almost comical how easily it took Minghao to distract the elder from whatever just happened between them. He continues talking, barely paying attention to the fact that Minghao went right back to working on his homework.

 

 

* * *

 

  

Minghao really doesn’t know what the hell he’s supposed to do.

Junhui is still crying and he might be shaking from the cold now. Minghao reaches up and pulls a blanket down, wrapping it around the elder’s shoulders. Junhui pauses, sniffling when the blanket engulfs him and before Minghao knows it, Junhui is wrapping his arms around Minghao’s waist.

The elder buries his face into Minghao’s chest, humming something that Minghao can’t make out. Minghao rushes to fix the blanket, adjusting his position on the floor so that he can stretch his legs out now. Junhui moves with him, settling himself more securely in Minghao’s hold.

Minghao leans back against his bed and runs a hand through Junhui’s hair. The elder makes another sound, but Minghao doesn’t really know what to consider it as.

Instead, he focuses on his heartbeat racing a little faster, holding the elder a little tighter, drawing his breaths out a little slower, and humming out an old Chinese song that Junhui likes a little softer.

It’s still weird, but Minghao is slowly feeling less inadequate to handle this situation now.

 

 

* * *

 

 

“You know, if you keep staring at me like that, I might have to start thinking about how to get you out of those pants.”

Minghao grimaces, pushing at Junhui’s chest as he does. “You’re gross.”

“I’m not the one making sexy-hooded-let’s-get-down-to-business eyes, now am I?” Junhui laughs, the sound a little too bright and a little too humorous for Minghao’s tastes quite this early in the morning.

“I am not making whatever-the-hell-you-called-it eyes. I’m tired. I pulled an all-nighter to finish that fucking paper for history,” Minghao grumbles, rubbing a hand over his face.

Junhui smiles, and wraps an arm around Minghao’s shoulders, leading the way towards their usual campus coffee stand. “That would explain why you look like a drowned cat.”

Minghao frowns, quickly ordering his usual drink before turning to confront the elder. “Shut up. Not everyone can roll out of bed and look ready for a fucking fashion show.”

“Language,” Junhui tuts, passing some money to the barista after receiving his own drink. “Besides, did you just admit that I’m gorgeous? ‘Cause if so, I’d have to agree with you wholeheartedly.”

“Ugh,” Minghao groans, nursing his own cup of coffee now. “You’re impossible.”

Junhui throws an arm over his shoulder again and starts to walk away, only pausing when Minghao turns back, the younger man barely remembering that he hadn’t paid yet.

“What are you doing?”

Minghao frowns up at the elder. “I forgot to pay.”

Junhui merely shakes his head. “I already paid for you.”

“What?”

“Come on, Hao. Jeonghan wants to meet up soon. Let’s go meet up with him and then I’ll walk you to class.”

But Minghao only frowns, growing more irritated by the second. “What are you trying to do?”

Junhui blinks, startled by Minghao’s harsh tone. “What are you talking about?”

“Buying me coffee. Walking me to class. What the hell?”

“It’s really not what you think, Minghao-yah.”

Minghao flinches at the Korean. He’s so used to speaking Mandarin around the elder that hearing Korean, that’s directed towards him of _all_ people, come out of Junhui’s mouth feels otherworldly and foreign. Minghao doesn’t like it.

“Let’s just get one thing straight,” Minghao says as he begins walking away, Junhui blinking after him before easily catching up and slinging an arm over Minghao’s shoulders again. “You buying me coffee and walking me to class _won’t_ get you into my pants.”

Junhui laughs, taking a sip of his Americano before he speaks. “Trust me, I wouldn’t need to do any of that if I wanted to get into your pants. I do it because we’re friends, Hao. Best friends.”

Minghao huffs out an irritated breath and sips on his too-hot coffee. “Yeah, whatever.”

And if Junhui really does end up walking Minghao to his class, an arm around his waist and half of Jeonghan’s egg sandwich being shared between the two of them, that’s neither here nor there and Minghao will vehemently deny that it ever happened.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Junhui is silent now. Minghao thinks he might be sleeping.

He shifts his position and quickly figures out that the elder is _not_ sleeping when he grunts as Minghao moves. Minghao stills, looking down at the mess of blonde hair and puffy eyes, sighing when the elder pouts up at him.

"I'm gonna move up to the bed. Okay?" Minghao doesn't know what possesses him to tell the elder what he's about to do, but the floor is uncomfortable and if Junhui expects to be held all night long, then Minghao is going to insist it be on a bed.

Junhui nods, sighing a little when Minghao manages to stand and takes the elder with him. The blanket pools to their feet and it's then that Minghao notices the tiny scratches on Junhui's chest. There are a few bruises beginning to form on Junhui's arms too and something cold passes through Minghao.

"You don't have to tell me what happened," Minghao begins, watching as the elder stiffens, his body held tight as if ready to spring at a moment's notice. "But can you show me where you're hurt so I can clean anything that needs to be cleaned?"

Minghao watches as Junhui mulls the request over in his head. He tilts his head to and fro, lips upturned in another pout and Minghao would be lying if he didn't think it was cute. Finally, Junhui nods slowly, slipping his hand into Minghao's when the younger man starts to pull away. Minghao knows that the elder doesn't want to be left alone right now so he brings him to the bathroom, still humming the same song that Junhui likes so much.

The humming is more for his sake than Junhui's at this point. Minghao is trying to distract himself from marveling at just how soft Junhui's hand is in his. Their palms lay flat against one another, warm and soft to the touch. Their fingers are interlaced delicately, as if too afraid to really grip onto the other lest one tear away too soon. Minghao's never really noticed it before, but Junhui has pretty hands, as far as hands go anyway.

"Sit here while I get everything out," Minghao orders as soon as they've stepped into the bathroom, flicking on the light and pointing at the toilet seat that's down for once.

Junhui bites his lip, but nods, pressing close to Minghao's side before drawing away and sitting where Minghao told him to. Minghao smiles, a little pleased that the elder is listening to him for once. He kneels down and digs through the cabinet underneath the sink, pulling out the first aid kit Jihoon had given him at the start of the semester. He hasn't found much use for it, but he does know what most of the things in it are to be used for. Minghao stands and closes the cabinet's doors, grabbing a clean rag and wetting it in the sink before stepping towards Junhui and sinking down to his knees once again.

Junhui's shirt is ripped from the front in a very odd way, as if someone tried to get it off him in a rush. There's a brand new hickey beginning to form on Junhui's pec, but there are grisly teeth marks accompanying it and Minghao doesn't like the look of things.

He gets his supplies out anyway. Then follows the meticulous process of rubbing the wet rag against Junhui's mottled skin before cleaning his minor wounds and bandaging him up afterward. Once Minghao has finished dealing with all the areas he can see, he smiles softly at the elder.

"Any more places you want me to take a look at before we get into bed?"

Junhui doesn't meet his gaze when he points down at his crotch, but Minghao knows that Junhui isn't doing it to tease him. Minghao sighs and very slowly settles his hands on the waistband of Junhui's jeans.

"I'm going to take your pants off. Okay?"

Minghao waits until Junhui nods very slowly, the elder's eyes clamped shut and teeth making a new home in his bottom lip. Minghao pats his side affectionately, trying to encompass some reassurance before he slowly lets his fingers grasp at the top button of Junhui's jeans. Junhui's legs tense and he might be drawing blood from how hard he's biting his lip, and as much as Minghao would rather not have to do this, he undoes the button anyway.

Junhui opens his eyes, beginning to pant and there's such a heavy layer of anxiety in his eyes that Minghao hates himself for even asking Junhui if there were any more injuries.

"Do you want me to stop?" Minghao asks, his voice tight and tone worried, hating himself all the while.

Junhui meets his gaze now, tears beginning to form in the corner of his eyes and Minghao quickly wipes them away. And despite that, Junhui shakes his head, the fingers of his right hand tangling into Minghao's sleeve for reassurance. Minghao stares at the elder, taking in his posture and expression before slowly moving his hands towards the elder's zipper.

That's when he finally notices that the zipper of Junhui's favorite pair of jeans is _broken._

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Sungmin is really cute. I think I love him," Junhui pouts, sighing at his phone as he checks all the snaps that his boyfriend had sent him.

Minghao nods and hums something that doesn't really make a lot of sense, but he's preoccupied. This study guide isn't going to fill itself out after all. Junhui pokes him, demanding his attention now that he's noticed that the younger boy is elsewhere.

"Hey, help me pick a selfie to send to Sungmin," Junhui whines, poking some more at Minghao's side.

Minghao groans, looking up from his study guide to peer at the selfies Junhui is flicking through.

Junhui pauses on one particular photo of himself, his smile blinding Minghao. His hair is still a dark black in it, making his face look sweeter than usual. Mingao stares at the photo without blinking, drinking in every detail of Junhui's face as he can.

"So, what do you think about this one?" Junhui inquires.

 _I'd like to have it for myself,_ Minghao immediately thinks, before fighting down the urge to slap himself across the face.

"It's nice," he says instead.

Junhui pouts and goes through a few more photos. "It must be horrible then if you think it's just _nice."_

Minghao blinks, wary, but nods anyway. "Sure."

Junhui wallows in despair, burying his face into Minghao's shoulder and Minghao resists the urge to pat the elder on the head, instead pushing him off and returning to his study guide. Junhui groans some more, practically throwing himself across Minghao's lap now.

And of course, the elder won't budge, arguing that Minghao's thighs are comfortable and make great pillows just as Soonyoung bursts into their study room. Minghao can't make sense of Soonyoung's scandalized expression until he looks down and realizes that Junhui is purposely making slurping noises as he keeps his head down.

"You're disgusting!" Minghao yells as he jumps up and out his chair, taking pleasure in how easily Junhui flops to the ground when he does.

"Ow! Hao! Why'd you do that?" Junhui rubs at his head, lips in a pout as Minghao turns to Soonyoung with an apology on the tip of his tongue.

Soonyoung raises a hand to cut off whatever Minghao was about to say, a smirk now stretched wide across his face. "I can tell that I interrupted an _intimate_ moment. I'll be back later boys! Remember to wipe down whatever you guys fuck on!"

And with that, Minghao's dance mentor is out the door, the study room left to Minghao and Junhui once again. Junhui laughs, slapping the floor while Minghao glares at him. Minghao grabs his things and moves them around the table, plunking himself down in the chair across from Junhui's vacated one and immediately throws himself back into the frisk of things. Filling out the rest of his study guide turns into a breeze as Junhui continues to laugh, only adding fuel to Minghao's fire and drive to get out of here as quickly as possible.

Eventually, Junhui manages to take a seat in his chair again, still giggling a bit as he eyes Minghao from across the table. Minghao ignores him, focusing instead on his very last problem on the sheet of paper before him. Junhui leans across the table and tries to peer into Minghao's face, a half-assed attempt at making Minghao laugh, but Minghao only continues to ignore him.

"Aw, come on, Minghao! You gotta admit, the look on Soonyoungie's face was absolutely hilarious!" Junhui giggles.

Minghao sighs, rubbing a palm over his eyes, but he can't help but glance up into the elder's face and be completely mesmerized by Junhui's smile and the way his laugh makes his eyes crinkle up in mirth.

 _God, he's beautiful,_ Minghao thinks to himself before shoving the thought away and scowling at the elder.

"You're annoying. I don't know why we're friends," Minghao grumbles as he finishes up his last problem, hastily putting his things away.

Junhui only laughs again, pressing a hand over his mouth now. "I don't know either, but whatever the cause I'm glad it brought _and_ kept us together, HaoHao."

Minghao scowls at the nickname as he packs. "Don't call me that, _Junnie."_

Junhui's laugh is still ringing in Minghao's ears when he finally escapes the room and makes a break for his dorm.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"What the _fuck_ happened to your jeans."

It doesn't come out as the question it was meant to be, but Minghao doesn't care.

Minghao is trembling, with anger and rage and every other violent emotion in the world right now. Junhui eyes him warily, hand still clenched in Minghao's shirt sleeve. There's still a layer of panic covering Junhui's eyes and Minghao knows that getting angry isn't going to solve anything, but he can't help it.

Still, he manages to stop himself from smashing his hand into the wall and takes deep breaths, eyes trained on Junhui the entire time. Junhui relaxes visibly once Minghao has regained his composure, but he keeps the same grip on Minghao's sleeve, as if afraid to let go. Minghao leans in and freezes when Junhui flinches away, terror lining every corner of his face.

"Junhui-gē," Minghao whispers, his voice tight and breathless. "I'm going to take off your pants."

Junhui's grip loosens considerably then, nodding to let Minghao know he understands.

It takes a bit of work and some shimmying of Junhui's hips, but eventually, Minghao works the elder's jeans off him. When Junhui opens his legs, Minghao finds more teeth marks dug deep into the elder's inner thigh, even bleeding a little at the edges.

Minghao takes another deep breath, willing his anger to contain itself, just long enough for him to clean the wound and sanitize it before putting gauze over it. Minghao's anger comes back slowly then, his hand gripping onto the wet, bloody rag he'd used to clean Junhui with enough strength to wrench it of water. Junhui doesn't meet his gaze as he sits on top of Minghao's toilet at two or three am in the morning in only his boxers with bloody bites marring his beautiful skin while Minghao fights to keep his temper in check.

"Gē." Minghao's voice is noticeably softer now, the usual tenor of it that Junhui adores gradually returning. "What happened?"

Minghao doesn't expect for Junhui to break out into ugly, chest-wracking sobs as he flings himself into Minghao's arms, but he catches the elder anyway. He sits back on his bum and folds Junhui neatly into his lap, a hand in the elder's hair, smoothing the blonde strands down in an attempt to comfort the elder. Junhui continues to cry, burrowing his face into Minghao's already soaked shirt and sobs like a wounded animal. It's heartbreaking to endure, but Minghao will make do. He isn't the one in pain anyway.

This is still weird in Minghao's own personal opinion, but he's angry enough not to care anymore.

Junhui needs him and Minghao is going to be there for him. No matter what.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"Sungmin invited me to a party tonight. Wanna come?" Junhui's question is nonchalant, but Minghao can detect the hint of hope in it anyway.

"No thanks. I have to study for my exam," Minghao answers, not bothering to look up from his textbook.

Junhui sighs and slumps into his arms atop the table. "You're always studying, Hao. Come out tonight and _live_ a little! It's no fun being stuck in the library with you every day."

Minghao looks up to glare at Junhui. "I don't ask you to stay with me, you know. You're welcome to leave anytime."

"Yeah, right," Junhui scoffs, rolling his eyes dramatically. "As if I'd leave my best friend alone in this book hellhole every day for the rest of his uni days."

"Please," Minghao murmurs. "You're dying to get away from here everytime we step foot in this place. Admit it."

"Only if you admit that you deserve a break and promise to go with me tonight," Junhui shoots back. "As your best friend, it's my job to drag you out on occasion and help you get laid."

"Shut up," Minghao grumbles. "I don't want to go to a party and I don't want to get laid. I'm tired and need to study if I want to pass this class. So be a good best friend and support my educational advances."

Junhui rolls his eyes, but resigns himself to the fate of sticking to the bookworm's side anyway. "Fine, fine. You have my irrevocable support, HaoHao. No need to get so snappy when I mention going out and having _fun_ for once."

Minghao sighs and returns back to his textbook. "Don't act as if you're not going without me. I know you are, you know that you are and the whole campus knows it. There's no point in trying to force me to go anyway, I could easily kick your ass."

"Jeez," Junhui mutters under his breath, barely loud enough for Minghao to hear. "What happened to respecting one's elders?"

"That notion died along with your dignity," Minghao mutters.

The scandalized gasp Junhui lets out is enough to have Minghao giggling behind his hand.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Junhui is still crying when Minghao manages to get them off the bathroom floor.

It makes his nerves jump when Junhui wraps his legs around Minghao's waist while the younger carries him back to his bed. Minghao is only glad that Mingyu had decided to stay at Seokmin's place tonight because he isn't sure how he'd be able to explain this to the slightly older boy. Minghao lies the elder down in his bed, smoothing his hair back when Junhui only holds on even _tighter._

"I'm going to get you some clothes to change into. I'm not going anywhere, promise," Minghao murmurs, fingers carding through Junhui's hair now.

Junhui nods, his face streaming with tears and lets go of Minghao, watching him as he approaches his drawers and pulls out a pair of pajamas that are too big to fit comfortably on Minghao. They should look fine on the elder though, and when Minghao finishes helping him into them, he's only proven right when the shirt moves with Junhui's arms, grabbing onto Minghao again and pulling him close.

"Do you want to go to bed?" Minghao asks in soft Mandarin, hands back in Junhui's hair as the elder presses his face into Minghao's stomach.

Junhui shakes his head no, scooting back on the mattress either way and pulling Minghao along with him.

Minghao ends up curled around the elder as Junhui presses his back into the wall, eyes clenched shut while he cries some more. Minghao doesn't know what else to do but to hold him, humming Junhui's song again while he strokes the elder's hair and wipes away most of his tears.

Everything is weird and Minghao doesn't know why the hell Junhui decided to come to _his_ place of all the places he could go, but Minghao is regretting not going with the elder to that party.

Junhui falls asleep sometime later, tired and wrung out from his tears, and Minghao stays up all night, watching protectively over him.

And if Junhui kicks out and screams in his sleep, telling someone to stop, Minghao makes sure to hold the elder's limbs down so he doesn't hurt himself, waiting until the thrashing subsides before curling around Junhui again.

 

 

* * *

 

 

"You sure you won't come with me?" Junhui asks, his voice tinny through the phone.

Minghao groans, laying his head across his textbooks. "Yeah, I'm sure. I have to study."

Junhui makes a displeased noise, but Minghao ignores it, instead focusing on the deep tenor of a masculine voice he can barely hear in the background.

"Is that Sungmin?" Minghao dares to ask.

"Yeah," Junhui replies, not missing a beat and something twists in Minghao's chest.

"Have fun and stay safe, alright?" Minghao murmurs into the phone.

The voice rings out again, saying something Minghao can't make out and Junhui laughs, high and bright and a little shy if he's not mistaken. "Alright, Hao. See you for breakfast?"

"Yeah. See you."

 

 

* * *

 

 

When Junhui wakes up, Minghao is coming back through the door, a bag of McDonald's in hand.

"Brought your favorite," Minghao says, keeping his voice low to not startle the elder.

Junhui rubs at his eyes and yawns. He's soft and sleepy and Minghao wants to lean in and trail his nose along the elder's exposed collarbones, but he doesn't and instead plops the bag of food down in Junhui's lap. Junhui smiles at him, nodding in thanks and quickly sets to work on making their plates.

Minghao watches him do it, shaking his head when Junhui offers him his sausage like he does every time they eat breakfast together. Junhui pouts and is only appeased when Minghao takes a quarter of one of Junhui's pancakes and pours pepper onto Junhui's eggs for him.

Junhui eats quietly, eyes only on his food and Minghao leans into him, head resting on Junhui's shoulder as they eat cross-legged on Minghao's bed. Junhui pats his arm absentmindedly, taking a bite out of his pancake as he does and Minghao smiles at him, using a napkin to wipe the syrup dripping from the corner of his mouth.

Minghao is shocked when Junhui grabs his hand and holds it there, swallowing his food before he opens his mouth the teeniest bit and leans in.

Junhui's lips brush against his softly, almost hesitantly, and when Minghao blinks, the elder is already drawing away. Junhui goes back to his food as if nothing had happened, and Minghao returns his attention back to his own plate as well.

They eat in silence after that, not saying a word until they've both finished eating and Minghao is dropping the elder's phone into his lap with a sheepish look.

Junhui's brows come together in confusion, but he picks it up anyway, scrolling through a few of his notifications before his thumb freezes above the screen and he pins Minghao with an accusing stare.

"Minghao," Junhui's voice is soft and raspy from disuse, but Minghao prepares himself for the onslaught of anger to come. _"What did you do?"_

 

 

* * *

 

 

Minghao doesn't sleep, doesn't feel the need to while the elder lays in his arms, but Junhui's phone keeps vibrating from the bathroom and it’s irritating Minghao.

Minghao carefully slips out of bed, making sure the covers are wrapped tightly around Junhui. The elder mumbles something, hands searching for something, but Minghao doesn't know what. He grabs Mingyu's pillow and sprays some of his cologne on it, pushing it into Junhui's waiting hands. Junhui immediately curls around it, leg hitched over the middle as he inhales deeply, sighing happily when he finally nestles back into the comfort of sleep. Minghao watches it unfold, a tiny smile spread across his face and he can't fight the thought of not minding having Junhui in his bed every morning.

He shakes the thought away when Junhui's phone continues to buzz. Minghao rolls his eyes before entering his bathroom, immediately kneeling to dig Junhui's phone out of his pants.

Junhui's phone is flooded with an influx of KakaoTalk messages and missed phone calls, all from the same person.

Sungmin.

Something indescribable twists in Minghao's gut as he scrolls through the messages. They all convey the same hidden message and Minghao.

Minghao sees _red._

It's only ten minutes later that Minghao is waiting near the campus fountain, one of Junhui's hoodies wrapped around him when he sees Sungmin approach.

Sungmin glances around the courtyard, eyes drawing past Minghao but swiveling back once he recognizes the hoodie. Minghao sneers at him as he approaches, a displeased twist to Sungmin's mouth as he glares at the hoodie.

"Where's Junhui-yah?" Sungmin asks as soon as he's stopped in front of Minghao. "And why are you wearing his sweater?"

Minghao doesn't answer. Or maybe he does, but not with words anyway.

Sungmin is sprawled across the ground now, clutching at his jaw and face turning red as Minghao's hand trembles, curled into a tight fist.

"What the fuck!" Sungmin spits, pushing himself up.

Minghao kicks him in the chest, glad that the courtyard is deserted this early in the morning. "Stay the fuck down, you piece of shit!"

Sungmin stills, face draining of color. "Look, whatever Junhui told youー"

"Don't you _dare_ say his name! You have no right!" Minghao growls, crouching down to press his knee into Sungmin's chest. "Who _the fuck_ do you think you are to say _his name_ after what you've done?"

"I didn't do anything!" Sungmin shouts, hands grabbing at Minghao's jeans, pulling and grasping at whatever he can get his hands on. "The slut was _so_ eager to put out, but when it came down to it, he fought me! I didn't even touch his dirty dick!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

This time when Minghao punches Sungmin again, his knuckles blossom a beautiful red, Sungmin's jaw already beginning to bruise. Minghao can only imagine the look on his face and he relishes in the terror in Sungmin's eyes as he watches Minghao above him. Minghao knows that he must look frightening, mad or insane even, but he's pissed enough to not care.

Sungmin _hurt_ Junhui. He hurt him in a way that goes deeper than just a few teeth marks and bruises. He hurt Junhui's mental state, shattered his sense of security and trust, and Minghao isn't going to let him off the hook for that.

So he slings Sungmin with another right hook, bashing him in the nose and drawing blood. Sungmin lets him, going limp in his hold without much of a fight and taking the beating that Minghao hands him.

Minghao falls into a mindless haze, only focusing on making Sungmin _hurt_ as much as possible, but then strong hands are pulling him up and away, forcing him to sit underneath a nearby tree. Someone's arms wrap around his chest and hold him as Jeonghan helps Sungmin up and pushes him away, in the direction of the nurse's office. His expression is unreadable as he turns back to Minghao, but Minghao is crying now, shaking uncontrollably.

“What the fuck was that, Hao?”

Minghao shakes his head, burrowing into whoever is holding him and it’s only then that he realizes it’s Jisoo.

"Minghao, breathe," Jisoo mumbles into Minghao's ear and another set of hands are on him now, hands he'd recognize as easily as Junhui's.

Seungcheol.

"Minghao-yah. Why did you fight Junhui's boyfriend?" Seungcheol's voice rings out to Minghao through a tunnel and Minghao fights to get to the light spilling at the other end.

"H-Heー _he hurt him,"_ Minghao says in Mandarin, his native tongue caressing him, engulfing him in its familiarity and Minghao draws it close, a blanket of comfort around him as he returns to his senses.

"He hurt Junhui."

 

 

* * *

 

 

"I did what had to be done."

Junhui gets up, wincing when he finally puts pressure on his feet and Minghao immediately begins to get up from the bed as well, hands outstretched to steady the elder. Junhui pushes his hands away and sits in Minghao's desk chair, turning to glare at him.

"Did you go and see him?"

Minghao nods. There would be no use in lying because the messages on Junhui's phone would be proof enough. Junhui sighs and runs a hand over his face.

"Hao, why would you do that?"

"Because he deserved it. The hyungs think so too."

"The hyungs?" Junhui asks as his face becomes even paler than before. "Did you tell Seungcheol, Jeonghan, _and_ Jisoo?"

“No,” Minghao whispers. “That would have been wrong. You came to _me_ about this. Why would I have told them?”

Junhui sits back in the chair, closing his eyes and blowing a puff of air into his face. "I can't believe you would do something like this."

"He _hurt_ you! Did you just expect me to sit by quietly and not wonder why someone had bitten you hard enough to _bleed?"_ Minghao stands up angrily, beginning to pace the room. "Do you think that I could just let him get away with it?"

"It was my fault," Junhui replies, his voice so small and quiet that Minghao has to strain to hear it. “I led him on.”

"Don't you _dare_ say that!" Minghao spins furiously on the spot to point a finger at the elder, his tone low and under control. "You didn't do anything to deserve that. _Nothing_ justifies what he did!"

But Junhui only ignores him, opening his eyes to stare blankly at Minghao's ceiling. "But it _is_ my fault. I led him on and when he started kissing up on me I realized that I couldn't do it. I _couldn't._ He isn't who I wanted it to be, Hao. I couldn’t do it because I didn’t want it to be _him."_

Minghao pushes the inkling of hope that rises in his chest down.

"Don't," Minghao chokes out, falling to his knees in front of Junhui. "Don't do this right now. Hold it off for later or never, I don't care. But don't do this right now."

Junhui grabs his chin and forces Minghao to look up at him. "Why?"

"Now isn't the time for this. I'm trying to get it through your thick skull that you didn't deserve this. You did nothing wrong. _Nothing,"_ Minghao pleads, hands grasping at Junhui's forearms now.

"It was my fault... _my_ fault."

Minghao pushes himself up and throws his arms around Junhui, quickly pulling the elder into his arms when the sobbing begins.

"You did nothing wrong. He _hurt_ you and _you didn't deserve it,_ Junhui-gē," Minghao whispers, face buried in Junhui's hair and hands trailing up the elder's spine.

Junhui's sobs grow louder, a little more frantic and less composed as time wears on.

"He _hurt me,_ Hao. I trusted him and heー"

Junhui breaks off with a cry, pulling himself closer to Minghao and Minghao holds him, rocking him back and forth. He doesn't know how long they sit on his floor like that, but when Minghao's phone begins to ring and he sees that it's Mingyu, he hastens to answer, timidly dropping a hint that he has someone over.

"Oh, you sly dog, you!" Mingyu shouts through the phone and Minghao flinches at the sound, pausing when Junhui begins to laugh.

"It's not like that. It's just Junhui-hyung," Minghao rolls his eyes as he replies, pressing his thumb into Junhui's hip when the elder pouts at his response. "We'll be out of here by noon at the latest though, so whenever you're on your way back, just let me know."

Minghao ends his conversation with Mingyu then, tossing his phone onto his bed as Junhui shifts in his lap. Minghao barely has enough time to raise a brow in question before Junhui surges forward to press their lips together in a searing kiss.

And while Minghao wouldn't mind kissing Junhui for a very long time, this isn't the time for it.

It takes a bit of effort, all on Minghao's end, but eventually he's pried the elder far away enough to escape the grip of his lips. Junhui sniffs, wiping at his eyes again as they stare at one another in the silence of Minghao's dorm.

"Do you not want toー" Junhui starts to say before breaking off and drawing a large breath, steeling himself. "Do you not want to because I'm... _dirty?"_

Minghao blinks, appalled by Junhui's choice of words. "You're not dirty. Don't say that."

"But I am!" Junhui shouts. "I am dirty...I _feel_ dirty. I just want to forget it and move on. I don't want to feel like _this,_ Hao."

"You're not dirty. Forgetting wouldn't be the best thing to do. It'll only come back to haunt you in the future. You need to face this head on and I'll be there with you every step of the way."

"Then why won't you kiss me!"

"This. Us," Minghao points between them, jabbing his finger into their chests. "Can't happen right now. Not _right now._ I don't want you to do this with me because you think you _need_ this kind of comfort. We'd only hurt each other when it doesn't work out and I don’t want to do that. If you want to kiss me, then you’ll have to wait. I’m only saying this because I don’t want you to feel worse. You deserve the world, you know that right? You deserve everything in this world and I would count the stars for you if you wanted me to. But I need to make sure that you’re okay first."

Junhui shakes his head. "I'm not doing this because I feel that I _owe_ you. I'm doing this because ifーif it had been _you_ who'd kissed me and slipped a hand down my pants last night, I would've said yes instead. It always felt wrong with him. I didn’t realize it until last night because I...I don’t know, but things have never been _right_ with him. Not like they are with you."

"I thought you loved him?"

"I thought I did too," Junhui says, his voice small and hesitant, but his tone is firm and ultimately unwavering. "But I was wrong. I never loved him. He's nothing to me when compared to you."

"Junー"

Junhui presses his finger to Minghao's lips, silencing him. "No, it's okay. I get it. You don't feel the same and you're only doing this because we're best friends and it's your job to clean up my messes."

Minghao takes Junhui's hand and peers into the elder’s face, the teeniest big angry. "Shut up. Stop blaming yourself for what that _bastard_ did. I know you're hurting right now and you're confused why someone you trusted would do that to you, but I'm not here, holding you, because I fucking _pity_ you.

"I didn't drag myself out of bed at some ungodly hour in the night and let you in because I pity you. I didn't hold you for hours while you cried, soothing you and feeling like a fucking idiot not knowing what to do out of goddamn pity. And I definitely didn’t clean you up, put bandages on you, and dress you in my pajamas because I felt obligated to out of motherfucking _pity."_

"Then..." Junhui trails off, eyes impossibly huge as he takes in every detail of Minghao's outburst.

Minghao captures Junhui's face in his palms, examining every inch of it. From the blonde strands of his messy hair to the dark bruises under his eyes, and to his lips twisted into an impossible pout of displeasure. Junhui is beautiful through and through and Minghao is a fucking idiot for trying to let someone else love him.

"I went out and beat the crap out of that fucker because he hurt my best friend. He did one of the vilest things you can do to another human being and all because I didn't want to intrude and go along with you to that party. You don't know how _sorry_ I am for letting you go by yourself, for not taking better care of you. I'm angry with him and with myself. But I didn't do any of this out of pity.

"I did it because I love you," Minghao finishes, pressing his forehead to Junhui's. "I did it because you're my best friend and you deserve the entire world at your feet. You deserve to be treated like a king or even a _god._ You didn't deserve what he did to you and I'm sorry, Junhui-gē. _I'm so sorry."_

Junhui's hand fists into the hairs on Minghao's nape, bringing him closer when the younger man begins to sob, pressing his face into Junhui's neck. Minghao holds the elder tighter, rocking himself as Junhui shushes him and presses his nose to Minghao’s jaw.

They're a mess, Minghao thinks, one big mess but that’s okay since they’re messy together.

That night, Minghao finds himself in Junhui's apartment as some romcom plays on the tv that Junhui never watches. Minghao has just helped the elder shower and dress when Junhui peers up into Minghao's face suspiciously.

"Are you wearing my hoodie?"

Minghao laughs, drawing the elder close for a hug before burrowing his face into Junhui's neck and breathing in the smell of his skin.

Junhui frowns and pushes him back. "You didn't ice your hand."

"Yeah, I guess not," Minghao mumbles to himself, smiling when Junhui goes to his freezer and pulls out a bag of frozen peas.

Minghao catches the bag, laying it across his knuckles and waits until the elder is standing beside him again to press a timid kiss to his cheek.

"I'm sorry," Minghao whispers to Junhui.

Junhui smiles sadly, his eyes shining like he holds the very stars in them. "It was my fault."

"It's not. It wasn't," Minghao argues back, pulling Junhui into his side again. "Don't say that. You know it wasn't. Everything's gonna be okay."

“How do you know that? How do you know that for sure?” Junhui asks, his voice a soft, raspy whisper now.

Minghao shakes his head and thumbs away the tiny tears beginning to trail down Junhui’s cheeks. “I don’t know, I just _do._ I know I’ll be here for you for every step of the way and I know that you’re strong. You’re the strongest person I know and it shows in every little thing you do. Don’t doubt yourself, not now when you need to find yourself the most.”

Junhui brings Minghao closer into his embrace, lying his head on his shoulder once he’s close. “Thank you.”

They stand like that for awhile as the romcom continues to play in the background. Minghao breathes in Junhui’s clean scent and tightens his arms around the elder. Junhui sniffles against his shoulder, but Minghao doesn’t worry. He knows that with time the elder will be okay. He’ll heal no matter how long it will take. It’s only a matter of time and Minghao will be there for him.

Everything _will_ be okay, Minghao is sure of it.

**Author's Note:**

> i spent a month agonizing over this as a form of my own recovery tbh then spent another month debating whether to post it or not, before finally gaining the courage to do so. i hope this does more good than bad. and really, thank you all for sticking through till the end.
> 
> (also, in the first draft, jeonghan beat the shit out of sungmin after minghao did and was called cheonsa while doing so (: just thought i should let yall know that happened haha)
> 
> thank you for reading <3  
>    
> hit me up on [tumblr](http://jnhao.tumblr.com)!


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